If Bill Belichick Rated Wines…

chick-grapes2WEBIf you have any interest left in the NFL playoffs raise your hand. The one without the remote control. Sorry if we woke you. Yup. tBoW is NOT a fan of the NFL. He prefers Homeland reruns to another commercial festival. And college hoops. However, there is one clown prince of the NFL who can take the starch out of any reporter, whether on the sideline or at the postgame podium. That would be the reigning genius of pro football; Bill Belichick.

Belichick is far beyond dry or sarcastic, bored or boring. His post-game commentary is worth watching as it is. Imagine Bobby Fisher doing karaoke. Belichick’s postgame interviews should have a split screen so we could see the poor schlub reporter who has to ask questions of the world’s most diabolical coach. ‘Chick has a sense of humor like a shark. Smoothly sliding through the water without emotion, sans excitement, cold blooded. He don’t give a f*ck. But, unlike honeybadger who tears through everything, ‘Chick is super cool, mumbling his way through the stinking ritual of postgame interviews.

We wondered… what might it be like if ‘Chick reviewed wines?

tBoW: Coach, the 2007 Schloss Lieser Niederberg Helden Riesling Spätlese surprised alot of holiday partygoers with its bracing acidity, typical Mösel low alcohol and U20 price. Were you ready for this wine?

‘Chick: Mösel is known for Riesling. They always do a good job. We have to focus on our next game.

jean-marc-burgaud-morgon-cotBoW: The 2010 Jean-Marc Burguad Cote du Py Reserve showed all this remarkable spiciness. How did you prepare for a wine this bold?

‘Chick: Cote du Py is always tough. We try to prepare for what a winemaker might have for us. Spice is part of the game.

tBoW: Several tasters commented that $52 is pretty pricey for a domestic Viognier even if it is supposedly a blend of some of the best Viognier from France and Santa Barbara. What are your thoughts on the NV Domaine des Deux Mondes “Deux C”?

‘Chick: This wine is only available at the Cold Heaven winery. Alcohol is 14%. Morgan is definitely female and the other guy is male. For some people winemaking is fun.

gros_bourgrouge_red_07WEBtBoW: Coach, the 2007 Anne Gros Bourgogne Pinot Noir is still kicking butt at six years. Doesn’t this show why she is such an outstanding winemaker? At $28 and 12.5% this ingenue wine has legs longer than T.Y. Hilton. Is there anything she does that surprises you? And how do you stack her up with other women winemakers Old and New World?

‘Chick: Ingenue. That’s good. We have to be ready for any world, Old or New. Gros wears boots in the cellar and heels at game time. She’s usually right there when it is time to pull a cork on something good. Hilton? How many catches did he have?

It was really tough finding the perfect Bill Belichick postgame interview. tBoW found two goodies. There was really only one thing to do. Post both. That’s all we can do. Post both. Yeah. Both. Posted.

Belichick lost this Stupid Bore after an undefeated season.

Compilation of Belichick toying with reporters. Only two minutes. Genius.

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