Glass Jar Goes Home – Your Home – for the Holidays.

The Holidays are over. But for one tBoW reporter the Holidays are just eleven short months away.

Is eleven months sufficient time to find a new line of beeswax? What will the future bring for the Reluctant Millennial.

The Glass Jar did not have time to wish all tBoW readers a happy holiday. You see, after my slap in the face from the pizzeria, I had to find a new calling. It was time for something far from the pizza crowd to help stay the horrible memories. There was blue wave work in Clarksville, TN where a Yankee is welcome in any waffle house should he dare set foot. My days working for the Democrats were long and often grueling. However, working on a campaign in the south was worth it. The payoff was not our candidate’s victory. He got crushed. The 250+ phone calls personally made along with endless doors knocked on were worth it. I felt qualified for my next gig; putting packages on doorsteps [ed. Mr. Story: Some of the packages delivered by the Glass Jar must have been the gifts I recommended for wine lovers in my December post.]

I was ready to walk into UPS for a job interview to see if I was qualified. Like a field organizer trusted to organize Democrats in Trump country, the pressure was on. It was time to see if I was ready for the demands of “put the box by that front door.”

The interview was brief. I walked in. The test aimed to identify one qualification. Was I breathing. Anybody with a pulse got offered the job. My “boss” confirmed I was a living human capable of movement. Could I start tomorrow? The holidays are truly a magical time. [ed. Mr. Story: Indeed- a magical time- with lots of wine AND cheese!]

I waited for my driver with the other driver helpers in a commuter lot for about an hour. It was cold. I made my elementary health teachers proud. I was the only helper waiting for my driver without smoking a cigarette. I worked for three different drivers who expressed their thoughts in words that would not belong in a Christmas special. By the time the holidays ended, I had lasted in a job for which the demands where beyond daunting. Putting the correct packages on the correct doorsteps will go down as one of my signature achievements.

Contrary to what others may say, this is a wine blog. Wine is relevant to the life of a UPS driver helper. When we delivered wine to homes we had to collect a signature. If the residents were not there, we had to leave them a note without dropping off the package. This was not the way to spread holiday cheer. Nothing spoils the holidays more than a paper saying “I brought wine but you were not here so let’s wait 24 more hours.” I did the best I could to bring the wine boxes to the doorstep but if there was nobody there to sign, there was nothing I could do. The Glass Jar is now seeking $550,000 for 3% of his new company, Holiday Winesigners. We hire elves over the age of 21 to sign for your booze over the holidays. Interested? [ed. Mr. Story: I must review the financials while sipping on some wine before I make a commitment to this new endeavor of the Glass Jar.]

BONUS DIGRESSIVE WINE MOMENT: The Field Mouse (known to and knows the Glass Jar) offers wine wisdom from decades of research. “At age 60 I can lay out my list of wines. Riesling from anywhere except California. Rousanne. Dessert wine would be Chenin Blanc from the Loire. Pinot Noir from anywhere except the Loire.. Just about any Italian red.

The acorn does not fall far from the tree. Or should that be “the acorn falls near the tree.” Let’s unpack this then take a deep dive.

Holiday Winesigners. Any Italian red. Genius. Prevent your holiday blues by delivering your holiday booze. Happy New Year everyone!

HELL NO. NOT ON HIS WATCH!!

2 Comments

  1. Wavatar
    igty says:

    What Italian varietals and food pairings do you recommend for troglodytes?

  2. @igty

    Definitely Alto Piemonte. Pair with any meat but steak.

Got something to add?